I haven’t been doing much of anything lately, although I have a good reason for it I still feel guilty. I’m getting ready to go in for surgery on Monday, to get my tonsils taken out and my uvula shortened. I am really very nervous, I’ve never been in the hospital except the emergency room a handful of times. I am scared of the pain afterwards, I’m scared of anesthesia, I’m scared of a ridiculous number of unlikely things that could go wrong, or that I will be a huge baby about the pain and spend a week lying in bed crying. I had a coworker today be incredulous that I was taking a week off, even though my doctor said I might want to take two. It is just a frustrating situation.

I have to look at the good things that will come of it. My neck won’t be a little swollen all the time, I’ll be able to sleep lying down without my uvula choking and gagging me until I wake up puking, I won’t have these infernal sore throats and laryngitis all the time. The doctor even says my chronic heartburn may be caused by the uvula and tonsils constantly being infected. They never would have known it was so bad until the cysts appeared.  

Maybe I won’t be in too much pain, maybe I’ll just be loopy from meds and make some crazy amazing art or write a bunch of stuff I don’t remember writing. That would actually be a lot of fun. 

Maybe by Monday morning i won’t even be scared anymore.

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